I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize