he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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