OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
