i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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