God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
