I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
