I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
