bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize