You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
