Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
