I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
