i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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