so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
