I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
