just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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