I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
