And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
