Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
