i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
