I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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