I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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