Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
