I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
