Someone shit on the floor
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
