who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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