I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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