Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
