I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
