Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Randomize
