My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
