Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
