I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
