soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
