it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
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