She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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