Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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