as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
