Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
