well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
