before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize
