I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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