Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
