So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize