Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
