I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize