The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
