I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
