yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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