She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
