end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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