i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
They took my balls.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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