i may or may not be watching the land before time
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
