Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
