They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
