My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize