i permit you to call me
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
