Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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