According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
