Pappa wants mamma naked
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
