Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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