Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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