If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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