when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
