I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
