Hey man sorry I got all grabby
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Houston, we have a blender
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
