areolas are like halos for boobs.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
