It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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