So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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