Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
