I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
